Every mom has a full-time job

This morning, I was reading a post on defending the choice to be a SAHM (Stay at Home Mother) by Momotics blogger, Danielle Elwood.  Apparently, someone on formspring.me actually asked her if she "ever held a real job", adding rather snidely that "mothering does not count." 

It doesn't? Have you spent a week at home with an infant in one hand, while trying to keep an active toddler under control with the other?  Let me tell you, THAT is a job!

Barring certain financial constraints, most women have the choice as to whether or not they want to be a SAHM/WAHM (Work at Home Mom) or work outside the home.  There are benefits and challenges associated with each choice.  One choice is not necessarily easier or "better" than the other.  Staying at home with her kids might be one mom's ideal occupation, but another mom might not feel fulfilled if she didn't also have a career outside the home.  Some mothers choose to stay home with their children until they are of school-age.  Other moms balance caring for their children at home with freelance work or a business they can manage around their family's schedule. Every mom chooses to do what they believe is right for themselves and their families.  (At least, we do our very best.)

So, why am I a working mother? I gave birth to my daughter when I was almost 37. I had spent the last 18 years of my life in a professional capacity, and for the most part, enjoyed it. I like the balance of having a "professional" life and a family life.  I'm also the first person in my immediate family to graduate from college.  It's important for me to set the example for my daughter that she can achieve anything she wants to with determination, hard work and a little moxie. 

It's also essential that I have some "me" time to continue learning and developing personally and professionally because otherwise I just feel stagnant.  It is not better or "right".  It's what works for me.

I'm also a working mother because we can't manage financially on my husband's salary alone, but our salary combined offsets the cost of childcare.  This is not the case for all families.  Depending on the type of job a woman has, the costs associated with daycare for one or more children, commuting and food or clothing expenses may not even be adequately covered by her salary. 

I did modify my work schedule so that I could spend more time with my daughter.  My current employer allows Flexible Work Arrangements, which is a great benefit for working families.  I chose a compressed work week in order to have Fridays off.  It helps strike a balance between being able to help support my family financially and have one-on-one time with my little girl.

That said, I really did enjoy the 4+ months I spent at home on maternity leave after my daughter was born.  Granted, I did spend quite a bit of that time recovering from near-fatal c-section complications, but once I was beyond needing physical assistance, the time I spent with her was relatively relaxed and less structured than my life usually is. Our time together was a gift, it really was.

But...I'm not really cut out to be a SAHM.  Negotiating with whiny, unreasonable adults is one thing.  Negotiating with a whiny, unreasonable toddler requires a special set of skills altogether.  By the time my daughter goes down for a nap on Fridays and weekends, I'm wiped out from trying to juggle activities with her and taking care of grocery shopping or chores.  It's hard work!

Seriously though, SAHMs who do it all and can still keep it together have accomplished important basics essential to any career.  These include good time management, juggling multiple responsibilities, establishing priorities in the face of constant change, setting schedules, establishing boundaries and are contributing the development of one or more individuals. Sounds like a full-time job to me!

My challenge right now is figuring out where I want to go next.  I want more options and balance in my schedule.  I want to continue growing my healing and life coaching business.  I have some flexibility, but not enough as I would ideally need  in order to successfully manage being a business professional and take care of various household and personal responsibilities. 

We all walk a different path.  Every decision we make as a mother affects everyone in our families.  Don't we have enough to deal with on a daily basis without being judged for doing what we think is right with our lives?

Wondering where I got the cool t-shirt in the above photo? Check out Proud Working Mommy, a local Atlanta company that spreads positive energy for moms who have to work or choose to work outside of the home through a line of inspirational t-shirts and children's books.

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