Dads need doulas too!

I was so excited to see Dana Glazer's story in today's Huffington Post about his positive experience working with a doula during his wife's labor and delivery.  He addressed the misnomer that having a doula present somehow demotes the Dad's role during the birthing process.  And more significantly, he described how the presence and expertise of their doula allowed for his wife to deliver their son naturally:

...after 19 hours of intense labor, it seemed that our baby was not going to arrive by natural means. The doctor then informed us that surgery would be necessary. At this, Sabine spoke up and asked for a few minutes to try some alternative birthing positions to help along the process. The doctor nervously granted the request and when Sabine instructed my wife to get off her back, the nurses were less than thrilled. A few minutes later, our first son, Charlie, was born naturally. If not for Sabine, Deborah would easily have had a caesarian birth...

I am so grateful that a man - a father - has expressed how important it is for women to have a doula present during labor and birth.  Not only did he recognize how valuable the support was for his wife (and for him), he also witnessed first-hand how having a doula present can reduce the possibility of a cesarean birth.   

The average OB-GYN is not going to suggest birthing positions or wait patiently while a woman's body completes its birth journey.  They're watching the clock, they're concerned about limiting their own liability and they're under pressure to deliver that baby because time is money.  Doulas give time and dignity back to the labor and birth process.  Doulas provide non-pharmaceutical comfort measures and non-judgmental support.  They help enable women to have an empowered birth.  Doulas provide support to spouses and partners so they can be present with the mother in whatever way she needs.

My husband was supportive of using a doula when I was pregnant.  He had been through the birth process before with his son, and remembered the stress of it all too well.  It's difficult to navigate the hospital's protocols while trying to provide physical and emotional support for a laboring mother, especially if things don't go as planned.  I labored for 12 hours at home, and our doula joined us as we went to the hospital.  She spent the next 24 hours at our side, a calm, soothing and strong presence during a very long and draining labor.  It seemed that the more uncertain and stressful things became, the more calmness she reflected back to us.  Our doula had been my yoga instructor, and the breathwork and centering practices she had taught me in class were the foundation for how I approached my labor. 

My husband and doula were good partners.  One would eat or nap while the other provided support to me.  They walked on either side, up and down the halls, applying counter-pressure massages to my hips during strong contractions.  She would remind us, when we got bullied by the doctors and nurses, what we had written down on our birth plan.  The two of them as a team were the best labor companions I could have ever asked for. 

I was not as fortunate as Dana Glazer's wife - I had to have a cesarean section.  I cried on my doula's shoulder and then made the disappointing walk down to the operating theater.  My doula radiated strength and compassion, two things I really needed at that moment.  The L&D doctors allowed her to be present in the OR (for which we were very grateful) and she took the photos of my daughter being born, allowing my husband to remain at my side during the surgery.

Our doula has a special place in our hearts.  The three of us went through this long journey witnessing the birth of our daughter. A spiritual connection happens during these experiences and a bond is formed.  While I didn't have the birth experience I had hoped and worked for, I did have an empowered, centered labor.  I credit my doula for helping make that happen.  I also credit her for making it possible for my husband to be the loving presence that I needed.  Men often feel helpless when they see their spouse or partner in pain, or feel like they have to "fix" everything.  A doula's presence allows for men to simply "be" with the birthing mother, which is a gift for both parents. 

(Photo courtesy of Acme)

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